Thursday, August 19th, 2004
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2:31 pm - debug
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i find that uofl stinks.
they wont let me in a class, actually seven, as an extra one person. but i cant be an art major as a parttime student. so pretty much....i cant be an art student. contradiction?
aaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrh.
three days until classes start and i am part time.
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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Wednesday, July 21st, 2004
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10:12 pm - bbbpoooootttbiiibooott
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Thursday, November 27th, 2003
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7:02 pm - A BUUUUUUHH
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Im in town. I like college a lot. which makes me not ever want to come home, now i have no reason to come home. I dont want to go back to the way things were before i went to college, i want the good things of course, like the way my relationship was, but i dont want the drama and the immaturity of all my friends. i mean the way people act when they get together is outrageous. At times its funny, but the things i find funny at Longwood are completely different from the things i used to find funny at home. i am confused. and im also confused as to why we are having thanksgiving on friday instead of thursday...today. my parents strive to be different, they hate conformity. right.
yes im a natural blue
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(comment on this)
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Friday, May 9th, 2003
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12:21 pm - sacajaweeeea
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i dont like it when your muscles ache...and when you are done with alll projects that are due before school ends, which is on tuesday. so these last three days. are completely pointless.
this world is smart.
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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Tuesday, April 22nd, 2003
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12:12 pm -
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Tuesday, April 15th, 2003
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1:06 pm - A Warning.
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If you or anyone else you know is thinking about going to Sacred Heart Academy. DON'T. Don't do it. It will be the worst decision of your life and you will be robbed of your highschool career. It could be fun, and highschool is fun. As long as you aren't at Sacred Heart. If you never trust me again or never have in the past, it would be a life altering wise decision to trust me on this one. Im not joking, kidding, or even exagerrating. DON'T GO TO SACRED HEART ACADEMY IT WILL BE THE WORST DECISION YOU EVER MADE IN YOU ENTIRE LIFE AND YOU WILL REGRET IT. And if your parents try and send you there, run. And never stop running until they are so scared of losing you that they let you go somewhere else. And by saying to run, I don't mean that literally. Get it?
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(comment on this)
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12:57 pm - Well...These people Dont know much about punk.
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Friday, April 4th, 2003
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12:06 pm - yesterday
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>>>I have no idea how to say this. He says to me...a sort of thought out loud, oh shit i cant go to cullens tommorow afternoon, i am being picked up by hannah and katie. I asked hes skipping band practice so he can be picked up by two girls. Sort of agitated tone i guess. He said, Yes. Which means, he will be picked up by them brought to erics house, get incredibly ripped, wash eric's car and then show up at the show at 7 acting like a retard. I dont know whether to be mad at him or not. I think it's lame that he would piss his friends off and ditch them for a drug. And who knows what will happen when hes ripped and there just happens to be two girls there. I have no faith in people anymore. I always look for the worst.
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(4 comments | comment on this)
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Wednesday, April 2nd, 2003
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1:05 pm - jail
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jail stinks. there is nothing to do as well as no point in being in this hellhole. I don't want to stay an hour in a half in a gym with the entire school pretending to have feelings for this school in some way or another...i want to go home and take a shower maybe even walk the dogs for once. Damn this school. Damn my mother who isn't home. Damn. Damn. Im leaving one way or another i would totally get suspended for two days if i cut one period but it's all good...at least my spring break would be longer than anyone else's. Bite me.
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(comment on this)
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Wednesday, March 26th, 2003
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9:50 pm - you
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So. It was going well. Almost a dream. Everything is what i wanted it to be. He couldn't be a better person, couldn't be a more perfect person for me. So caring, so unselfish, so, there. It was almost like it was too good to be true. And hell, i know conflicts aren't able to be avoided, but this sure is one fucked up conflict. We can't find a problem with one another, that's the conflict. I love him and i truly do. It's the one person i honestly do love at this point of my life, and its terrifying. It's been almost 5 months if im correct which is barely enough time but it happened fast. I've never actually said I love you to anyone and meant it as much as i do for him. Him. He is too unhappy. I don't know much but i know that he has lived one long and terribly unhappy life which stops him from being happy and there is nothing i can do about it at all, i can't help him in any way. I want to give him everything for just one day of happiness. I don't want him to care about if I'm happy doing the things we do for an hour maybe more but just for once, so that he will get back some of what he gives to me. Just being with him makes my entire dramaticly exageratted life disappeared. It seems like my horrible life is nothing compared to his and it kills me inside to know that it won't get better. And to lose him, would be...for lack of a better word, hell. I'd go into hiding. I'd escape from all those who ever once cared. It would all be gone. I'm not good at this juggling deal. He's better than my equal. And it's amazing that he can stand me. I wish the best for him. That's it.
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(comment on this)
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Monday, March 24th, 2003
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1:08 pm - When i felt your pain.
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You ever notice that when you are in a good mood and you turn on some music, any kind, that happens to be depressing in the slightest bit your entire mood is changed and not on purpose. SO would that mean that i was incredibly depressed when i say all i can listen to is depressing music, and uplifting music pisses me off? I dont fell depressed. Although i wasn't depressed when my parents sent me to the rapy, so maybe that put in the frame of mind that "hey maybe i really am depressed, and that's why im here" so now my mind thinks im depressed. They say that if you are depressed for more than two weeks for no particular reason then it an actual case of depression. Maybe i just don't like being happy, maybe im not suposed to be happy, even though i am or feel to be. I say fuck those people who made me a worse person. Whos the bad influence now.
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(comment on this)
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Wednesday, March 12th, 2003
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12:57 pm - sigur ros
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Im in my senior year computer tech. class. I must be a genious at computers because i finished creating my first web page from scratch in one class period which leaves me absolutely nothing to do. I've finished my term paper already this period. Ive already written down every different kind of tshirt i want to buy with my mothers money for "spring clothes" they are all tshirts from a bands website. (thursday, thrice, coheedand cambria, appleseedcast, and modest mouse) I'm getting some stickers as well. Excited am i. haha. Im am off this evening to the sno-core tour with sparta, glassjaw, and hot water music. An exxxceeellent trio. I am overly excited and counting the minutes before i start my departure to cinnci. Thank the lord im not driving. I love it when friends dad's decide to drive. Save a shit load of money.
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(comment on this)
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Sunday, January 26th, 2003
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6:35 pm - Subject
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HM, what to write about today. Last night was my first rocky horror picture show experience. We got all dressed up and crazy, and i ended up looking dead up like sid vicious' girlfriend/wife i think her name was nancy? Anywas we went, we saw and we acted like complete idiots for three hours. Of course i was a "virgin" so i had to go on stage and do some relay race but i didnt win...didn't even come in the top three. But. It was fun none the less. Something made me restless halfway through the show which made me lose my patience, oh yeah i wanted to see my boy. I only got to hang with him one night this week. I know I know, crying a river over here, but still....we have such different schedules that we rarely ever see eachother and i look at my friends and their relationships and i think wow they seem committed to eachother. Maybe its for the best. He's such a great guy. YUM dinner time
current mood:  bouncy
current music: rancid-salvation
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(comment on this)
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Friday, January 24th, 2003
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12:39 pm - Yes I think it may be right
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12:20 pm - A promise
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I was looking at the calendar that livejournal provides for you and I noticed that I have one entry for the entire month and probably longer than it shows you. I will now make it a goal to write in livejournal at least twice a week, even if it is a crap entry like this or my last two (which were about my latest and last crush) interesting isn't it. I'll start posting websites and pictures if i can become that intelligient with the computers. But you never know. Does anyone ever read these entries anyways? I think I'm talking to myself. But then again, diary/journal entries are for my eyes only. Who thought up these live journals, or free open diary, did they just want to read what everyone was thinking?
I wil never know
current mood:  gloomy
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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Tuesday, January 21st, 2003
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12:08 am - mayonaise
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I hate to say it. And i make fun of all who do at this age. But i think i might be falling. watch me come back on livejournal in another two weeks and have a different thing to say but as of now i think i might have fallen. not physically fallen, emotionally fallen. Its stupid because i dont know what it feels like, but what i feel now is definitely not my normal outlook on a particular guy. Everytime i am with him, i look at him and think, i love his nose, his hair, his eyes, his arm, his toes. He is the greatest thing i have ever come across. Whenever i am not with him i miss him incredibly and it drives me crazy waiting for the next time i get to see him. Whenever i start thinking too much about who he hangs out with or who he talks to the more i become obsessed with the idea of losing him. I cant even get up the nerve to call him although he is my boyfriend.Every minute is important when it comes to him. And he, in my eyes and state of mind as of now, is the one.
ALthough i may just have a big ccrush.
current mood:  anxious
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(comment on this)
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Sunday, December 15th, 2002
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7:25 pm - *aaaahhhh*
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I hate to say it and i was totally against it but i am turning into the typical highschool girl with a crush. A big one. Two weeks without seeing him, and who do i get to see instead? No other than my horrible family which all hate me for reasons i cannot think of. How will i stand it? Ciggarettes. Lots of Cancer sticks. Every oppurtunity i get i will be outside in a corner hiding from everyone smoking and cig. And i will bring purfume to cover it up from the relatives who are aware of the fact that I am one of the last Skinner family people to smoke. Shoot me now.
current mood:  angry
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(comment on this)
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Monday, September 23rd, 2002
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7:13 pm - Say it to the mailman
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A bunch of mixed feelings inside me now. Some depressed and some dying to be happy. I dont think i have been quite happy since it happened...dont know how i could be. And although i seemed to throw it in a dark corner for the time being and try to ignore its cry for help it keeps on returning...and suddenly too. It happened in the car today. A sudden outburst of emotion where everything flashed in my mind and such a horrible sight. It ruined my whole day. Things only got worse. Things that were once steady in my time of need are now finding themselves faulty, and although they will be repaired for the time being i am more miserable than i already was. If that is possible. Im not really sure when this will end....it looks as though not until this school year is over. That is such a long time away. All i can hope for is for some drastic change to occur, something that will prove to me that this was meant to be. Mean while i will have to live with this hell. Maybe its not as awful as i make it out to be. But it most likely is. She tries...but in her stubborness i fall...wonder where i learned it from. That only leaves me with hope. Faith is not something i grasp.
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(comment on this)
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7:10 pm - hm
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should they have had kids? it might have been happier for them if they didnt....less money, hassle, trouble. They sure dont make it apparent that they wanted to have kids at all. We have to have some fun sometimes too you know.
current mood: crushed
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(comment on this)
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Wednesday, August 21st, 2002
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4:46 pm - ..
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it doesnt feel right to smile anymore...
can i feel happy yet?
No more calls, no more discussions, that's it.
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(comment on this)
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bonbonskin's journal
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